We read about it all the time. It is on the evening news and tabloids. Famous people like Tiger Woods and Governor Mark Sanford, and not so famous people like your next door neighbor. Sometimes it seems like there is an epidemic of infidelity similar to the swine flu. It is ruining lives and marriages.
Can anything be done about it? Well, there is nothing you can do about other people’s marriages, but you can do something about your own.
The first thing you can do is put each other first after God. In our Marriage Counseling practice we hear story after story telling us how things were wonderful and then all of a sudden there was the admission of an affair. When you step back and look at the chronology it becomes apparent that it didn’t happen that way. Things were not as wonderful as one of the spouses thought. Marriages don’t go from Heaven to Hell overnight.
There are numerous outside influences in marriages and it is extremely important to protect your relationship from distractions and external attacks.
You can protect yourself and your relationship by making sure that you put your spouse first. When you marry that means that your “family” that you were born into or adopted into no longer is your first priority. This can be difficult but is necessary. You can also protect your relationship by making sure you do not continue close relationships with members of the opposite sex. It can be very tempting to go to a friend to talk about marital problems and create a bond of understanding that can often lead into an affair. You think not? We see it all the time.
You can protect your marriage by being sensitive to meeting your spouse’s needs.
It all starts with communication and having each of your needs met. Your spouse can’t meet your needs if they don’t know your needs. They can’t know your needs if you don’t tell them. They can’t understand the needs you have told them about if they do not listen…….really listen.
Your spouse will be more interested in meeting your needs when you have a similar interest in meeting their needs.
A great way to “affair proof” your marriage is to engage in regular emotionally connecting conversation. This will allow you to keep current. Share all of your emotions whether they are mad, sad, glad, or scared.
If you are in a situation where your spouse’s behavior or words are causing you pain, it is important to talk it through in order to keep your relationship from becoming a time bomb. A Marriage full of praise, affirmation and appreciation is far more likely to flourish rather than one filled with control, criticism and complaints.
Be a blessing to one another and have a blessed marriage.
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