When couples come to us for marriage counseling they have distressed feelings and distressed thoughts. Take a close look at this article to see how your thoughts and mind can be peaceful and calm.
When you begin to claim back the clarity of your thinking from the enemy, he will not want to give up the place that he has had. You will have to do battle with his lies and confusion.
Your first step is to declare, out loud, that you will not allow any outside force to do your thinking – no man and no spirit. There are spiritual laws that demons must obey. They cannot stay where a man wills them not to stay. Your power is in the Name of Jesus, the Blood of Jesus, and the Word of God. Ask God to give you discernment of the lies of the devil.
How often do we think about “what we are thinking about?” As you recognize a lie that comes to your mind, always defend yourself out loud. That means speaking to Satan and the evil forces out loud, binding them in the Name of Jesus and forbidding them to lie to you and to use your mind.
When you catch a lie that comes to your mind, use the prescription on the next page. You will regain peace, your memory, restful nights, and the ability to concentrate and comprehend.
You are in a battle for your mind. Satan chooses to attack our minds, because if he can control our thinking, he can control all of us.
You are not alone, for all of God’s people fight this same fight (Eph 6:12). Make up your mind not to give up. According to Col. 3:2 (Amplified Bible) “Set your mind on things above and keep it set”
As you begin this battle, it might seem worse than ever. The reason is that the demonic powers are fighting to keep their place in your mind (and in your thinking). Call upon God’s Grace in the Name of Jesus, and He will give you the power of the Holy Spirit to fully overcome every evil.
Remember, regaining your mind is a process. We all fail at one time or another. God knows our weaknesses. That is why He gave us 1 John 1:9. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ”Just ask for forgiveness, and see the Blood of Jesus washing away your sins. Don’t give up. Continue claiming what belongs to you (your mind and your thinking belong to you ), and Jesus will help you overcome.
II Tim. 1;7 says, “For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Christian Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Christian Marriage Counseling: Feeling Follow Actions
When couples come to us for Marriage Counseling, often each spouse is overwhelmed by their own individual feelings. They have reached the point of desperation by the time they get to us and feelings have masked their thinking. Feelings can range from Anger to Fear.
The best way to stop painful feelings is to learn the “Feelings Follow Action” principle.
When we feel a negative emotion, we feel pretty powerless to do anything about it. We hope and pray that we will feel better – we expect the change in emotions to just “happen” to us, similar to how a cloud descends on someone.
We don’t “feel” like acting upbeat or cheerful. We’re sad, or upset, or anxious, etc. We can’t help what we feel. We feel like prisoners of our painful emotions. We want out, but are held hostage.
We can tell you a surefire way to change your feelings in less than an hour – but few people want to do it. When we are hurting – most folks just want to ‘stew’ in their emotional pot. Our negative feelings have sapped our energy.
When we are down, the last thing we want to do is to act happy. It’s fake, it’s phony, and we don’t really feel happy anyway. The truth is that if we take the ACTION of doing things that people do when they are happy – within about an hour, we will start feeling much happier. It’s hard to believe – but it’s the truth!
It seems too simple to actually work, doesn’t it?
All you need to try it for yourself is a list of behaviors you do when you are happy or in a good mood. Your list should be personalized to the things and ways you behave when you are cheerful and happy. Make sure to include doing loving things for other people. That is the greatest mood lifter of all. Even if you can only seek to bless your spouse – that’s OK.
Muster up the courage to try it, “Just this once”. Trying something once doesn’t usually overtax anyone. Tell yourself that this exercise won’t hurt you, and after an hour you can always go back to feeling the way you were feeling before.
Feelings really do follow actions!
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Christian Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
The best way to stop painful feelings is to learn the “Feelings Follow Action” principle.
When we feel a negative emotion, we feel pretty powerless to do anything about it. We hope and pray that we will feel better – we expect the change in emotions to just “happen” to us, similar to how a cloud descends on someone.
We don’t “feel” like acting upbeat or cheerful. We’re sad, or upset, or anxious, etc. We can’t help what we feel. We feel like prisoners of our painful emotions. We want out, but are held hostage.
We can tell you a surefire way to change your feelings in less than an hour – but few people want to do it. When we are hurting – most folks just want to ‘stew’ in their emotional pot. Our negative feelings have sapped our energy.
When we are down, the last thing we want to do is to act happy. It’s fake, it’s phony, and we don’t really feel happy anyway. The truth is that if we take the ACTION of doing things that people do when they are happy – within about an hour, we will start feeling much happier. It’s hard to believe – but it’s the truth!
It seems too simple to actually work, doesn’t it?
All you need to try it for yourself is a list of behaviors you do when you are happy or in a good mood. Your list should be personalized to the things and ways you behave when you are cheerful and happy. Make sure to include doing loving things for other people. That is the greatest mood lifter of all. Even if you can only seek to bless your spouse – that’s OK.
Muster up the courage to try it, “Just this once”. Trying something once doesn’t usually overtax anyone. Tell yourself that this exercise won’t hurt you, and after an hour you can always go back to feeling the way you were feeling before.
Feelings really do follow actions!
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Christian Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Christian Marriage Counseling: How to Win Back the One You Love
This article is intended for someone whose spouse is not interested in them or the relationship anymore. It is not meant for all marriages.
The following dynamic is common to mankind. It's even prevalent in the world of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be very valuable in regaining your spouse's interest.
Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if one person expresses all the optimism and confidence, the other person is invited to feel all the pessimism and insecurity. One goes up—the other goes down.
Spouses often balance each other in this way in what is called the "Avoider- Pursuer" dynamic. When one person's position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.
When one person wants the marriage to work, fairly typical patterns emerge. The spouse who wants to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Usually there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening, anything to try to win back the departing spouse.
"I know deep down inside you still love me," she says, in an effort to convince him to keep trying, or "What about all these years together? We have a history that shouldn't be thrown away," she tells him, hoping he will see the light. "I promise I'll change, I know it can work," he tells her, praying she will give him one more chance.
Although these acts of desperation are understandable, unfortunately they have the paradoxical effect of actually increasing the chances of divorce. The more desperate the spouse who wants to keep the marriage alive, the less appealing he or she becomes. The result? The reluctant spouse becomes more certain that the decision to divorce is the right one and withdraws even further.
Pursuers have other things in common. As the marriage deteriorates, they often become obsessed with wanting to know their mate's whereabouts and activities.
If separated, they may call many times a day, sometimes to check on their mate, other times to be reassured. These calls are usually met with anger or apathy. This is hardly the reassurance the caller needed. In fact, the distancing mate feels that the pursuer is try to control him or her, which inevitably leads to resistance.
The more one spouse worries about the breakdown of the marriage, the less the other spouse has to worry about it. The result? If you have been working overtime to convince your spouse that your marriage is worth saving, that you love each other, or you are worried about the children, you make it easy for him or her not to think or feel these things because you are doing it all for them. The solution? Stop the chase! In fact, It's not enough just to stop the chase, you must do a 180-degree about turn.
Avoid:
Don't act down and depressed, don't be clingy, no interrogations, no questions, no persuading, no convincing, be unavailable sometimes.
If separated:
1. Stop calling.
2. Be unavailable sometimes when he/she stops over.
3. Act happy (like your old self) when they visit
4. Be more involved with others, children, parents, friends, etc while they are there.
5. Make appropriate social plans for yourself.
Be interested but not eager. Stick with it for awhile before you decide if it is working. Resist the impulse to ask for more commitment, or of seeming too eager. Allow enough time for the positive interactions to take hold. Don't get complacent too soon, or you spouse will become distant again.
If still living together:
1. Stop calling him or her at work or other places.
2. Stop initiating sex or trying to be seductive.
3. Make plans for yourself.
4. Keep busy around the house when your spouse is present.
5. Act happy. (Actually become a happier person, this is a decision!)
6. Stop questioning your spouse about their whereabouts, or who they are with.
When you focus less on your spouse and more on improving your own life and making yourself happy, you can start making your life enjoyable again. When your own life is in order, you feel better about yourself, which helps you be more clearheaded about your marriage.
The following dynamic is common to mankind. It's even prevalent in the world of nature. Understanding this dynamic will be very valuable in regaining your spouse's interest.
Relationships are like seesaws. For example, if one person expresses all the optimism and confidence, the other person is invited to feel all the pessimism and insecurity. One goes up—the other goes down.
Spouses often balance each other in this way in what is called the "Avoider- Pursuer" dynamic. When one person's position is extreme, it literally forces their spouse to adopt an equally extreme position in the opposite direction.
When one person wants the marriage to work, fairly typical patterns emerge. The spouse who wants to preserve the marriage desperately pursues their mate, trying to reverse the momentum of the alienation. Usually there is pleading, begging, crying, threatening, anything to try to win back the departing spouse.
"I know deep down inside you still love me," she says, in an effort to convince him to keep trying, or "What about all these years together? We have a history that shouldn't be thrown away," she tells him, hoping he will see the light. "I promise I'll change, I know it can work," he tells her, praying she will give him one more chance.
Although these acts of desperation are understandable, unfortunately they have the paradoxical effect of actually increasing the chances of divorce. The more desperate the spouse who wants to keep the marriage alive, the less appealing he or she becomes. The result? The reluctant spouse becomes more certain that the decision to divorce is the right one and withdraws even further.
Pursuers have other things in common. As the marriage deteriorates, they often become obsessed with wanting to know their mate's whereabouts and activities.
If separated, they may call many times a day, sometimes to check on their mate, other times to be reassured. These calls are usually met with anger or apathy. This is hardly the reassurance the caller needed. In fact, the distancing mate feels that the pursuer is try to control him or her, which inevitably leads to resistance.
The more one spouse worries about the breakdown of the marriage, the less the other spouse has to worry about it. The result? If you have been working overtime to convince your spouse that your marriage is worth saving, that you love each other, or you are worried about the children, you make it easy for him or her not to think or feel these things because you are doing it all for them. The solution? Stop the chase! In fact, It's not enough just to stop the chase, you must do a 180-degree about turn.
Avoid:
Don't act down and depressed, don't be clingy, no interrogations, no questions, no persuading, no convincing, be unavailable sometimes.
If separated:
1. Stop calling.
2. Be unavailable sometimes when he/she stops over.
3. Act happy (like your old self) when they visit
4. Be more involved with others, children, parents, friends, etc while they are there.
5. Make appropriate social plans for yourself.
Be interested but not eager. Stick with it for awhile before you decide if it is working. Resist the impulse to ask for more commitment, or of seeming too eager. Allow enough time for the positive interactions to take hold. Don't get complacent too soon, or you spouse will become distant again.
If still living together:
1. Stop calling him or her at work or other places.
2. Stop initiating sex or trying to be seductive.
3. Make plans for yourself.
4. Keep busy around the house when your spouse is present.
5. Act happy. (Actually become a happier person, this is a decision!)
6. Stop questioning your spouse about their whereabouts, or who they are with.
When you focus less on your spouse and more on improving your own life and making yourself happy, you can start making your life enjoyable again. When your own life is in order, you feel better about yourself, which helps you be more clearheaded about your marriage.
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