When couples come to our Marriage Counseling practice for a Marriage Intensive they come because they have hurt each other with actions and words. This article is dedicated to talking about words that hurt and words that heal.
First we have to realize that words contain power. When creating the world, God could have chosen many different ways to create it. He could have thought it into existence. He could have blinked His eyes. He could have wiggled His pinky. But, what did God use to create the world? Words.
There is a big connection between answered prayer and what we use our mouth for during all those times when we are not praying. It takes a lot of help from God, because no man can contain the tongue.
We talk a lot and every word contains power. Proverbs 18:21 “The power of life and death is in the tongue.”
Matt 12:36-37 “We are not to speak idle or useless words that have no power, because on judgment day we will give an account for every word.” Matt 12:34 “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
Our mouth is a major part of our “love walk.” We don’t realize how much our words and our “love walk” are connected. With our words we can either build people up or tear people down. We won’t ever really become accountable for our words until we are convinced they are a reflection of our hearts. Jeremiah 17:9 says “the heart is deceitful above all else.”
We are to get rid of all evil speaking. James 1:26 “Taming our tongues is about self-control.” There are only 2 ways for us to make any progress with our mouths. We have to have a lot of help from God, and we have to keep growing in discipline and self-control. When you want to do something badly enough, you will do it.
We would much rather play the “blame game” than take responsibility. This started in the Garden and it has never stopped. We believe the lie, “It’s not my fault.”If you want your prayers answered, then get rid of all evil communication, all harsh, hard, unjust, unkind and wicked speaking.
You can’t control your mouth if you don’t first control your mind. What is in your mind comes out of your mouth. Our level of spiritual maturity can be easily and quickly judged by listening to our words. How mature in the Lord are you? Show me your tongue.
James 3:10 “Out of the same mouth come blessings and curses and this should not be. Get rid of the mixture—don’t try to bless and then curse too.”
What should we be saying? Be thankful and say so! Psalm 100:4 “…be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name.” Psalm 107:2 says “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so….we need to be thankful and say so.” People will say, “but I’ve got a thankful heart.” Well then, open your mouth! Tell people what you are thankful for and who you are thankful for.
Another thing we are to say are encouraging words. Don’t commit the sin of omission. “I didn’t say anything” is sometimes the problem. It’s not that we said the wrong thing, but we didn’t say the right thing either.
The next thing to say is the truth. Ephesians 4:15 “Let our lives lovingly express the truth.” “Speak the truth in love.”
Lastly, the thing we are to speak is the Word of God. Jeremiah 23:28-29 “Let the one who has God’s Word speak it faithfully because it is like a hammer that will break the hardest rock into pieces.” Just keep hitting your problems with the hammer of God’s Word until they break into pieces. Sometimes when you are hammering, you hit it over and over and it seems like nothing is happening, and then suddenly the next blow shatters the problem!
It all goes back to the mouth. The Bible says in James 3 that the tongue is a little member but it can cause huge problems. How many problems exist in the world that didn’t first start with someone’s words? Our mouth affects all of our relationships in a major way. A relationship can be destroyed or healed through the power of words. It doesn’t do any good to pray about your problem and then talk about how upset you are about it all the time. Don’t pray for your kids in the morning and then spend the rest of the day talking about how worried you are about them and how they are going to turn out. Remember, EVERY WORD we speak has power.
The Bible says we are not to murmur, grumble, fault find, and complain. There is a big difference between explaining and complaining. Explaining is necessary to communicate the reality of a problem or a situation. You can’t fix problems without an explanation first. Complaining is an attitude of the heart that says: “Why is this happening to me?” “I don’t trust God.” “This is not how I want things to be,” We need to look for the treasure in every trial. Most spiritual growth is during the hard times of life.
We are so blessed, but complaining is still one of our greatest challenges. In the Western world, we are spoiled rotten. We don’t want discomfort. We don’t want to wait for anything. We don’t like sacrifice and we fight against pain and hardships.
We need to follow Jesus’ example of how He handled words. When we are being tested, it’s not wise to be talking all the time or be careless with our words.
How would your relationships and life change if you would just stop saying anything negative? It is imperative that we “walk the walk” and “talk the talk” so we can represent Christ during difficult times.
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Christian Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
Showing posts with label the bible. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the bible. Show all posts
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Having Trouble Making Decisions Together? Here is Help!
In our Marriage Counseling practice, we are often asked about situations where couples have a difficult time making decisions. Each spouse is vested in getting their own way. So how should a couple make decisions?
Step One:
The first thing to do is to notice that you are not in agreement in the very early stages of your discussion. The reason we say “notice you are not in agreement” is because most couples bypass the disagreement and go straight to conflict. When you take time to notice that you are not in agreement, you have the best opportunity to go into healthy communication about the disagreement.
Step Two:
After noticing, the next step is for someone to say “well honey, it looks like we are not in agreement. Let’s brainstorm about it and see if we can make some progress”.
Step Three:
Brainstorming. Few people know how to brainstorm well. They make comments, criticisms and judgments about the other person’s ideas. In effective brainstorming there are no dumb ideas. Each spouse goes back and forth giving one idea at a time. The listening spouse does not give any feedback except saying the work “OK”. Then the other spouse gives an idea. The listening spouse does not give any feedback including whether they thought it was a good idea or not. The couple brainstorms until there are no more ideas left from either of them.
After all ideas have been shared the couple ask your spouse if they feel any agreement with any of the ideas. If they have, you can stop there and end the decision making process. If agreement has not been reached you go to the next step.
Step Four:
If agreement has not been reached it is time to pray together for guidance. Although prayer should always be our first step in any decision, we want you to be able to have your ideas laid out in front of the Lord. If you pray first you will only have your two opposing positions to lay before the lord. Take time to listen to what the Lord is saying. This is usually not an audible voice or thought that comes to you mind. The key is to see which idea brings the most peace.
Step Five:
If an agreement still has not been reached the final decision should rest upon the husband-as God has appointed him to be the spiritual leader of the home. This is not a license for the husband to make all decisions. There is a heavy burden and responsibility on the husband if he makes the decision on his own. In the position of Servant Leader in the marriage the husband should regard his wife’s preferences as often as possible. The Bible tells us to put the other first. In Ephesians 5:33 the Bible says that husbands are to unconditionally love their wives and wives are to unconditionally respect their husbands. When this relationship is in place disagreements will rarely if ever lead into conflict.
When couples utilize the above mentioned plan for decision making they can avoid many conflicts.
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
Step One:
The first thing to do is to notice that you are not in agreement in the very early stages of your discussion. The reason we say “notice you are not in agreement” is because most couples bypass the disagreement and go straight to conflict. When you take time to notice that you are not in agreement, you have the best opportunity to go into healthy communication about the disagreement.
Step Two:
After noticing, the next step is for someone to say “well honey, it looks like we are not in agreement. Let’s brainstorm about it and see if we can make some progress”.
Step Three:
Brainstorming. Few people know how to brainstorm well. They make comments, criticisms and judgments about the other person’s ideas. In effective brainstorming there are no dumb ideas. Each spouse goes back and forth giving one idea at a time. The listening spouse does not give any feedback except saying the work “OK”. Then the other spouse gives an idea. The listening spouse does not give any feedback including whether they thought it was a good idea or not. The couple brainstorms until there are no more ideas left from either of them.
After all ideas have been shared the couple ask your spouse if they feel any agreement with any of the ideas. If they have, you can stop there and end the decision making process. If agreement has not been reached you go to the next step.
Step Four:
If agreement has not been reached it is time to pray together for guidance. Although prayer should always be our first step in any decision, we want you to be able to have your ideas laid out in front of the Lord. If you pray first you will only have your two opposing positions to lay before the lord. Take time to listen to what the Lord is saying. This is usually not an audible voice or thought that comes to you mind. The key is to see which idea brings the most peace.
Step Five:
If an agreement still has not been reached the final decision should rest upon the husband-as God has appointed him to be the spiritual leader of the home. This is not a license for the husband to make all decisions. There is a heavy burden and responsibility on the husband if he makes the decision on his own. In the position of Servant Leader in the marriage the husband should regard his wife’s preferences as often as possible. The Bible tells us to put the other first. In Ephesians 5:33 the Bible says that husbands are to unconditionally love their wives and wives are to unconditionally respect their husbands. When this relationship is in place disagreements will rarely if ever lead into conflict.
When couples utilize the above mentioned plan for decision making they can avoid many conflicts.
About Marriage Rescue Associates | Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.
Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
To learn more about Marriage Rescue Associates, visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
Monday, January 11, 2010
Marriage Counseling - De-Stressing Your Marriage
In our Marriage Counseling Practice clients tell us that their marriages are very stressed. We have discovered a number of common threads that lead to this stress.
Here are a few:
1. Lack of time. Too many commitments often caused by the inability to say no to a request.
2. Lack of money. With the economy causing job losses it is particularly a problem these days.
3. Lack of sleep. This can be very hard on our bodies, our minds, and our emotions.
4. Lack of organization usually leads to a chaotic home and schedule.
5. Lack or exercise. With little or no exercise our bodies and minds don’t function well.
6. No recreation. No fun in our lives.
7. Too many outside activities for the children. This is stressful on both the parents and the kids.
Here are some antidotes for a stress filled life:
1. Prayer. God provides a place of Rest and Peace for us when we seek Him.
2. Money management. If you need help budgeting there are those who can help.
3. Don’t put things down, put them away. A messy house leads to stress.
4. Do a “Daily Plan” to organize your time and make sure you are not over committed.
5. Just say no to requests that are more than you can handle in a healthy way.
6. Get plenty or rest and exercise.
7. Mark out at least one day each week for fun, relaxation, and recreation.
8. Limit children’s outside activities.
9. Laughter. The Bible says that laughter restores the soul.
We can only handle so much stress before our personal health is affected. Likewise our relationships can only handle so much stress before they are negatively affected.
Most couples can make these changes on their own. But, if your marriage has already moved into a heavily stressed relationship, you may need outside help. Often folks turn to Marriage Counseling for help from an expert.
There is hope that you can relieve the stress in your Marriage.
About Marriage Rescue Associates Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
Visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
Here are a few:
1. Lack of time. Too many commitments often caused by the inability to say no to a request.
2. Lack of money. With the economy causing job losses it is particularly a problem these days.
3. Lack of sleep. This can be very hard on our bodies, our minds, and our emotions.
4. Lack of organization usually leads to a chaotic home and schedule.
5. Lack or exercise. With little or no exercise our bodies and minds don’t function well.
6. No recreation. No fun in our lives.
7. Too many outside activities for the children. This is stressful on both the parents and the kids.
Here are some antidotes for a stress filled life:
1. Prayer. God provides a place of Rest and Peace for us when we seek Him.
2. Money management. If you need help budgeting there are those who can help.
3. Don’t put things down, put them away. A messy house leads to stress.
4. Do a “Daily Plan” to organize your time and make sure you are not over committed.
5. Just say no to requests that are more than you can handle in a healthy way.
6. Get plenty or rest and exercise.
7. Mark out at least one day each week for fun, relaxation, and recreation.
8. Limit children’s outside activities.
9. Laughter. The Bible says that laughter restores the soul.
We can only handle so much stress before our personal health is affected. Likewise our relationships can only handle so much stress before they are negatively affected.
Most couples can make these changes on their own. But, if your marriage has already moved into a heavily stressed relationship, you may need outside help. Often folks turn to Marriage Counseling for help from an expert.
There is hope that you can relieve the stress in your Marriage.
About Marriage Rescue Associates Marriage Counseling
With over 23 years of experience, Marriage Rescue Associates have discovered many effective methods for helping couples restore their family and marriages. As Christian Marriage Counselors, Marriage Rescue Associates can help construct solutions to rekindle love and rebuild trust that has been torn down by endless conflict, indifference, and unmet needs.
Don’t let your marriage or family become another statistic when you can actually do something to change it.Seek out Marriage Counseling from an experienced Marriage Counselor that understands your situation and makes you feel comfortable with them.
Visit us online at www.marriagerescue.org
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